{"id":11127,"date":"2017-03-15T11:20:54","date_gmt":"2017-03-15T18:20:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/?p=11127"},"modified":"2017-11-18T18:20:07","modified_gmt":"2017-11-19T02:20:07","slug":"what-is-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/education\/education-co-lab\/education-co-lab-blogs\/pwi-co-lab-staff\/what-is-love\/","title":{"rendered":"What is Love?"},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Opening Insights: What is Love?<\/h2>\n\r\n\t<style>\r\n.rTable {    \r\ndisplay: table;    \r\nwidth: 100%; \r\n}\r\n\t\t\r\n\r\n\t\t\r\n.rTableRow {    \r\ndisplay: table-row; \r\n} \r\n\r\n.rTableHead {    \r\ndisplay: table-header-group;  \r\nbackground-color: #ddd;  \r\nfont-weight: bold; \r\ntext-align: center; \r\n} \r\n\r\n.rTableCell, .rTableHead {    \r\ndisplay: table-cell;    \r\npadding: 2px 2px 5px 2px;  \r\nfont-size: 14px; \r\nborder: 0px solid #999999; \r\ntext-align: center; \r\n}\r\n\t\t\r\n.rTableCellnp, {    \r\ndisplay: table-cell;     \r\nfont-size: 14px; \r\nborder: 0px solid #999999; \r\ntext-align: center; \r\n} \r\n\r\n.rTableFoot {    \r\ndisplay: table-footer-group; \r\nwidth: 100%; \r\nfont-weight: bold; \r\ntext-align: center;  \r\nbackground-color: #ddd; \r\n} \r\n\r\n.rTableBody.Bold {    \r\ndisplay: table-cell; \r\nfont-weight: bold; \r\ntext-align: center;  \r\n}\r\n\t\t\r\n.rTableBody.Italic {    \r\ndisplay: table-row-group; \r\nfont-style: italic;\r\n}\r\n\r\n<\/style>\r\n\n<p>Society has taught us that you: FALL IN LOVE, YOU NEED TO FIND LOVE, YOU NEED TO FEEL LOVED, LOVE IS A HAPPY PLACE, LOVE IS BLISS, LOVE IS PLEASURE, LOVE IS WHAT LIFE SHOULD BE.\u00a0 All but the last statement are false.<\/p>\n<p>The biggest lie we have learn, is that love is a feeling and not a state.<\/p>\n<h2>Informational Insights: <em>What&#8217;s the big deal, you may wonder?<\/em><\/h2>\n<p>Well, the problem is when we think and believe love to be a feeling and not a state, we live our lives at the mercy of what other people think, feel and believe about us, as our need for love is based on external validation rather than logical and practical choices.<\/p>\n<p>Believing that love is a feeling, dis-empowers us and takes away our ability to choose who and what we value and love. When we base our lives on how we feel there is no logic or reasoning process behind why something or someone brings we joy, it is merely an impulse, a biological response and a chemical reaction. The experience while momentarily intense and satisfying will eventually fade like the sunset and if we are unable to place any real value on the experience beyond our feelings we just end up seeking the next feeling &#8211; we learn nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Additionally, when love becomes a feeling, love becomes a never-ending quest for <em>attention<\/em>. When this happens, we learn that love is when people talk to us, at us, about us, see us and give attention to us whether it is<em> good or bad<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>WHEN LOVE BECOMES PAIN<\/strong><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>I don&#8217;t care what you say about me,<br \/>\nas long as you say something about me,<br \/>\nand as long as you spell my name right.<br \/>\n<\/em>GEORGE M. COHAN<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Experiencing\u00a0<strong>REAL and TRUE<\/strong>\u00a0<strong>Love (the state of love)\u00a0requires<\/strong>\u00a0three elements:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Attention<\/strong> &#8211; a process of not judging, but seeing things just as they are<\/li>\n<li><strong>Respect <\/strong>&#8211; a process of not trying to change people, places, and things but accepting them as they are<\/li>\n<li><strong>Appreciation<\/strong> &#8211; a process of not devaluing, but placing value on all of life\u2019s gifts<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>When we learn that LOVE is only about &#8220;<em>attention<\/em>,&#8221; love becomes about what we feel \u00a0and what we can\u00a0get, rather than who we are and what we have to give.<\/strong> When love is only about &#8220;<em>attention<\/em>&#8221; we become dependent on anyone for <em>attention<\/em> because we\u00a0are searching for <em>respect and appreciation<\/em>&#8230; to be valued. We may find ourselves seeking relationships that are unhealthy or self-serving and wondering <em>how we got into this mess again<\/em>?<\/p>\n<p><strong>When this occurs, love becomes a disease, <em>a disease of attention<\/em><\/strong>&#8230; and we become obsessed<em> with being the center of attention.\u00a0<\/em>This results in situations where we find ourselves constantly seeking the\u00a0approval and validation of others to affirm our existence and importance (good or bad):<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>If we are driven by success we may seek to impress people, act bubbly and cheerful.<\/li>\n<li>If we are driven my failure we may seek to appear depressed, angry and look for ways to create chaos in people&#8217;s lives.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When we seek only attention, we have no respect or value for the\u00a0participation or contribution of ourselves or others.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>When we experience no attention, respect or appreciation for ourselves<\/strong>, we bring no attention to ourselves and only seek the attention of others (as a surrogate for respect and appreciation).<\/li>\n<li><strong>We objectify other people<\/strong> as we show them no respect or appreciation, but only momentary gratification for the attention we receive \/ feed off of.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>When we are not the center of attention &#8211; receiving praise or the attention of others\u00a0&#8211; we experience no respect or value for ourselves. Our participation and contribution is\u00a0minimized and devalued by our minds, and we continue to seek our next <em>attention fix<\/em> to make us <em>feel<\/em> &#8220;important,&#8221; and &#8220;alive.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>This kind of love becomes painful. \u00a0In this situation, LOVE = PAIN.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Love in the form of <em>attention<\/em> becomes an addiction<\/strong>.<\/p>\n<p>Love in the form of <em>attention<\/em> is a form of immaturity that affects and infects our minds and lives. It impacts our relationships with ourselves and others. Untreated, this addiction results in low self-esteem and the driving force of co-current addictions.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>The ANSWER\u00a0to this PROBLEM\u00a0is clear:<br \/>\nwe need to find a way to<br \/>\nunlearn love as we know it<em> attention <\/em>(feeling)<br \/>\nand re-learn love as it is (state).<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Possibilities for Consideration: Must Have Structure<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">To effectively implement a solution, we need a structured process of unlearning, relearning and learning &#8211; a proven process that supports our cognitive and emotional development and maturity. \u00a0This process exists within the PWI Co-Lab community and process.<\/p>\n<div class=\"rTable\">\n<div class=\"rTableRow\">\n<div class=\"rTableCell\">\n<p style=\"font-size: 13px; text-align: center;\"><em><strong>Let\u2019s make the dream big enough for everybody.<br \/>\n<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0RICHARD JORGENSEN<\/p>\n<h3 style=\"text-align: left;\">Take a moment and examine\u2026<\/h3>\n<ul style=\"text-align: left;\">\n<li>As you reviewed the material above, what stood out to you?<\/li>\n<li>What is the potential impact, economically and\/or socially?<\/li>\n<li>What action is needed to stop or support this idea?<\/li>\n<li>You may want to consider whether you:\n<ul>\n<li>want to be <em>aware<\/em> of,<\/li>\n<li>should become <em>supportive<\/em> of,<\/li>\n<li>would want to be <em>active<\/em> in this topic?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h2 style=\"text-align: left;\">Add Your Insight<\/h2>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.<\/em><em><br \/>\n<\/em><em>Being willing is not enough; we must do.<\/em><em><br \/>\n<\/em>LEONARDO DA VINCI<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on the_content --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on the_content -->","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<div class=\"mh-excerpt\"><p>Opening Insights: What is Love? Society has taught us that you: FALL IN LOVE, YOU NEED TO FIND LOVE, YOU NEED TO FEEL LOVED, LOVE IS A HAPPY PLACE, LOVE IS BLISS, LOVE IS PLEASURE, <a class=\"mh-excerpt-more\" href=\"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/education\/education-co-lab\/education-co-lab-blogs\/pwi-co-lab-staff\/what-is-love\/\" title=\"What is Love?\">[&#8230;]<\/a><!-- AddThis Advanced Settings generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><!-- AddThis Share Buttons generic via filter on get_the_excerpt --><\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":11128,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[201,81,74,80],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11127","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-emod-blog","category-discovery-co-lab-blogs","category-education-co-lab-blogs","category-recovery-co-lab-blogs"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-content\/uploads\/pexels-photo-348325.jpeg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11127","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11127"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11127\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":16808,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11127\/revisions\/16808"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11128"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11127"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11127"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11127"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}