{"id":4501,"date":"2016-06-16T21:06:53","date_gmt":"2016-06-17T04:06:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/?p=4501"},"modified":"2020-03-23T13:27:06","modified_gmt":"2020-03-23T20:27:06","slug":"appease-or-apologize","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pocketwisdominsights.com\/pwicolab\/healthcare\/pwi-co-lab-staff\/appease-or-apologize\/","title":{"rendered":"Appease or Apologize?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Opening Insights<\/h2>\n

In a blog entitled “You Call THAT an Apology!” by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D, in Psychology Today posted Dec 25, 2012, she speaks of the 6 qualities of a good \/ real apology. Using clear and concise examples she paints a picture of what it means to “appease” and what it means to “apologize” (we added a 7th along with some Pocket Wisdom Insights Twists).<\/p>\n

Informational Insights<\/h2>\n

Tendering a genuine apology when an apology is due can go a long way to repair a disconnection and begin a process of rebuilding trust following a fight, conflict, miscommunication or disrespectful action.\u00a0 Here’s how to apologize wisely and well.<\/p>\n

The next time you offer an apology–or, you’re on the receiving end of an apology that doesn’t cut it– remember this:
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1.\u00a0 A true apology needs to be sincere<\/strong>. It should not be a quick way to get out of a predicament or a fight.<\/p>\n

2. A true apology does not include the word \u201cbut\u201d (\u201cI\u2019m sorry, but \u2026\u201d).<\/strong>\u00a0 \u201cBut\u201d automatically cancels out an apology, and nearly always introduces a criticism or excuse.<\/p>\n

3. A true apology keeps the focus on your<\/em> actions\u2014and not on the other person\u2019s response.<\/strong> For example, \u201cI\u2019m sorry that you felt hurt by what I said at the party last night\u201d is not an apology. Try instead, \u201cI\u2019m sorry about what I said at the party last night. It was insensitive and uncalled for.\u201d Own your behavior and apologize for it\u2014period.<\/p>\n

4. A true apology doesn\u2019t get caught up in who is to blame and who started it.\u00a0<\/strong>Maybe you\u2019re only 14% to blame and the other person provoked you. It can still help to simply say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry for my part in this.\u201d<\/p>\n

5. A true apology does not demand or request forgiveness.<\/strong> Of course, you hope that the other person will forgive you. But a true apology does not ask the other person to do<\/em>anything\u2014not even to forgive. Also a serious hurt or betrayal requires repair work over time, and is never healed simply by saying \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. A true apology requires that you do your best to avoid a repeat performance.\u00a0<\/strong>Obviously, it doesn\u2019t help to apologize with a grand flourish and then continue the very behavior you are apologizing for. \u00a0Passionate expressions of remorse are empty if you don\u2019t put sincere effort into ensuring that there is no repeat performance.<\/p>\n

7. A true apology is clear, concise, prepared and practiced. <\/strong>Bombarding someone with a wall of words doesn’t create a state of trust or truth. Apply the 5 I’s of Communication: interest, information, imagination, invitation and investigation<\/em> so that the communication is easy to understand, hear and examine (assess and discern), and can be a platform to start to rebuild the trust that your actions destroyed.<\/p>\n

Postscript; if the other person is an entrenched non-apologizer, don\u2019t get into tug of war about it. Some people cannot or will not apologize. He or she may have another way of re-connecting after a fight, show you he\u2019s in a new place and wants to move on.<\/p>\n

Accept the olive branch however it\u2019s offered. Focus on becoming a \u201cgood apologizer\u201d yourself and model the behavior you want to see in others.<\/p>\n

Take the high road. It\u2019s hard. And it\u2019s worth it.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Knowing what to do is half the battle, knowing how to do it is where the Pocket Wisdom Insights Co-Labs can help you and others of like mind light the way in the dark.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Source:\u00a0https:\/\/www.psychologytoday.com\/blog\/the-dance-connection\/201212\/you-call-apology-0<\/p>\n

Possibilities for Consideration<\/h2>\n

Take a moment and examine\u2026<\/h3>\n