Opening Insights: Three Positions of Decision Making
Fear, Trust, and Courage were discussed in a recent Co-Lab team meeting. Those topics are of great interest to me. Fear of rejection, due to my lack of perfection, prevents me from completing assigned tasks in a timely manner. Everything must be perfect! Also, I don’t know how to trust, and as a result I don’t trust anyone, leading to a very solitary existence. A lack of courage exacerbates both problems. Working together with my Co-Lab teammates helped me see things through a different perspective.
Informational Insights: Fear Paralyzes – Stupefies
The last 2 years I participated as buddy support for a friend in a recovery Co-Lab. There have been ups and downs in the discovery/recovery support process. Recently a sizable down prompted my friend to compose letters of apology and future intent to team members. The letters came as a result of his massive emotional relapse and engineered attack on his team. He wrote them as an exercise in gaining insight into the wrongs perpetrated and the damage done so he could begin to seek resolution.
I didn’t want to read the one he wrote to me, and I put it off for days. My reluctance was a fear response/reaction based on previous hurts and expectations of what I thought would happen next. Lessons learned in the Co-Lab reminded me: when fear guides us, rather than trust, no real discoveries can happen. I would get stuck on a lesson for months at a time while in the grip of fear. When fear of hurt and the expectation of wrong-doing are foremost in my thinking, how can there be any room for exploration? Defenses are up!
A switch for trust: on or off?
In the Co-Lab we discussed the emotional triggers that could flip our switches. That is how I came to discover the third position on all the two-way switches in my life. In our natural world we have day and night. A two-way switch is necessary to select day or night, but a focus on one or the other leaves no accounting for the in-between. What happened to dusk? Light to dark doesn’t happen instantaneously, there’s a transition in-between. The third position, not one side nor the other but in-between, is a whole other area. It may not be marked as on or off, but it’s in that metaphorical area where discovery happens.
Back to my friend’s letter. I was reluctant to read it because I could only see two switch positions: he’s lying, or he’s being genuine. No room was left for the in-between that is discovery, and that wasn’t fair to either of us. Trust was needed for discovery to occur. Trusting my friend wasn’t going to happen, he slaughtered that option. Instead, it was mandatory that I learn to trust myself. Therein lies the problem; how do I learn to trust myself?
Self-trust stems from an ability to identify, accept and adhere to, processes. Rather than allow my feelings and emotions to guide my decisions, I would trust in my ability to follow instructions. The answer to my trust problem was that simple; follow a process. That process is identified in the 5 Absolutes, a set of guiding principles and the foundation of the Co-Labs. By accepting the principles and building the models of their application into my life I am following a process. My thinking may lead me astray and my emotions may be erratic, but a foundation in Honesty, Selflessness, Understanding, Pure Intent and Love will keep me straight and true on life’s path.
Courage for the path ahead…
Now the path is laid clearly before me, I must have the courage to walk it. What is courage? Take one part clarity and one part conviction then courage is the result. It’s what happens when our thoughts are based in the 5 Absolutes. Clarity comes from selflessness. Selfish-ness only projects fear. When I can look beyond the “mighty I” and truly see others then our world and all my choices are laid before me.
Clarity means I can identify my options and see where I want to go. Conviction means I stay the course come smooth sailing or rough waters. A foundation in the 5 Absolutes helps me make a decision; and conviction means I don’t change my mind midway through the process. With courage I have more choices and I’m in-charge of my life. Which brings me back to the topic of my friend’s letter.
At first I could only see the hurt and disappointment that would result from reading the letter, so I put it off. I was only focused on the bad and what I would lose. I didn’t focus on the potential good that could come out of it, or what I could gain. I was looking at a two-way switch, which is not living in a world of discovery. My mind was already made up, which meant I was blind.
But, I have all the tools…
A solution materialized in the experiential learning process of the Co-Lab. My fear whispered cautionary advice for the way ahead, but I didn’t allow it to select my path. I stuck to the principles and processes to build trust in my ability to have choices. Thus self-trust formed, which led to self-esteem, then self-love (not ego) and finally the ability to love another. I assembled courage to explore with clarity from selflessness and my conviction to stay the course. These tools empowered me with compassion for others, not judgment. In the end I was once again vulnerable to being hurt by my friend, but I was also open to letting his light shine through.
The middle position of my switch labeled: discovery finally became visible, and that’s when knowledge of a real tragedy hit me. My eyes have worked perfectly all my life, but long ago I forgot how to use them. Without a foundation in the 4 Absolutes fear and blind luck would be my only guides.
Possibilities for Consideration: Tools for Discovery
Take a moment and examine…
- As you reviewed the material above, what stood out to you?
- What is the potential impact, economically and/or socially?
- What action is needed to stop or support this idea?
- You may want to consider whether you:
- want to be aware of,
- should become supportive of,
- would want to be active in this topic?
Add Your Insight
I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Being willing is not enough; we must do.
LEONARDO DA VINCI
