Opening Insights
Remember The 80/20 Rule: 20% of our quality of life is determined by what happens to us; 80% of our quality of life is determined by how we deal with it.
As we grow up we develop patterns about how to deal with life and life problems – some good, some bad. As Child-Adolescents we learn to deal with deal with anger from a place of:
- Passive / resistance (i.e “I will not do it…”)
- Aggressive (i.e “I will fight you [have a temper tantrum] to get my way…”)
Anger is a part of life. Anger is a behavior that eventually becomes a pattern / a habit if unchecked. When anger becomes us we develop predictable patterns of the victim and / or bully.
In order to discover what we are angry about we need to determine if:
- We are angry about something that happened OR something we have done (past and / or present)
- We are angry about something that is not happening OR something we have not done (present and / or future)
The real question is, why do we stay in our immature “child-adolescent” anger?
Informational Insights
When We Experience Anger
There Are “16 Reasons We Stay Angry”
We Think That We Can Control Our Feelings with Anger
- When we are angry, we don’t feel afraid.
- When we are angry, we don’t feel sad.
- When we are angry, we don’t feel hurt.
- When we are angry, we don’t feel guilty.
We Think That We Can Control What Other People Will Think with Our Anger
- When we are angry, we appear strong.
- When we are angry, others are afraid of us.
- When we are angry, we won’t be hurt again.
We Think That People Will Understand Us When We Are Angry
- When we are angry, people know how strongly we feel about something.
- When we are angry, people will know how sure we are about what we believe and will not question or challenge us.
We Think That Other People Will Be Forced To Accept Us If We Are Angry
- When we are angry, people will not reject us for fear of making us even more angry.
- When we are angry, people will not argue with us and will “have to” believe us.
We Think That We Have Power Over Others When We Are Angry
- When we are angry, we feel powerful.
- We feel like we have power over others.
- Deep inside we know we can control others.
We Think That Other People Will Give Us Some Form of Love When We Are Angry
- When we are angry, people give us:
- Attention – everybody notices us.
- Respect – nobody wants to argue or change us.
- Appreciation – nobody would suggest that we don’t have a point of value.
We Think That Anger Maintains Justice and Keeps Us “Being Right”
- When we are angry, everyone understands how bad we were hurt (or others were hurt). We think that if we were not angry, we would be admitting that the “wrong” was not that bad. Only by staying angry can we stay “being right.”
- When we stay angry at someone, it is like punishing them. To stop being angry would be like forgiving them. Forgiving them would be condoning what they did. That would make them right and me wrong.
I Can’t Remember Why I’m Angry, That’s Just the Way I Am!
- When we are angry, we sometimes don’t remember why we are angry. We just are.
WE BECOME OUR ANGER.
The Real Question Is:
Do we want to RESOLVE
Our Anger?
OR
Do we want to stay
THE VICTIM and/or THE BULLY.
Possibilities for Consideration
Take a moment and examine…
- As you reviewed the material above, what stood out to you?
- What is the potential impact, economically and/or socially?
- What action is needed to stop or support this idea?
- You may want to consider whether you:
- want to be aware of,
- should become supportive of,
- would want to be active in this topic?
Add Your Insight
I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Being willing is not enough; we must do.
LEONARDO DA VINCI