Opening Insights: A Taste of Collaboration
Contributory Insight to Community Businesses
while participating in a
Small Business Community Co-Lab Institute
In a class in the Small Business Community Co-Lab Institute the 4 Absolutes were experienced and applied within communication, the Case study below gives you a taste of what was discussed.
Informational Insights: Introduction
I was asked today how I was doing. Answering honestly, I said that I hadn’t been too happy as of late. A couple of things had occurred last week that haven’t yet been resolved and I still held some anger regarding them. Richard Jorgensen PhD (hc) told me he knew that I had been upset. He asked if this bothered me or not – him knowing.
Taking a moment, I thought about this. I found that it didn’t bother me. I didn’t necessarily find it comforting that he knew either but believe that it was better that everyone knows what is going on so that it can be resolved instead of not discussed and resolved. Richard was very clear about why he asked this question. He was trying to determine whether or not I was in apathy or had a desire to resolve the situation. My answer told him that I was not in apathy but instead had a genuine desire to find a solution. Thus, recovery is still intact and not a question of whether or not it will be continued.
He was able to determine this by making one statement, about knowing that I was angry, and then asking one question. The rest was derived from what he saw and heard. In order to be able to pick up on little details, certain points or emphasis on particular words or phrases, one must be exercising complete selflessness and caring. As my mentor and coach, he can only be effective by knowing where I am at so that he may properly posture himself to best work with me in not only resolving this issue but to be able to learn something from the experience that is applicable to many other situations.
This process, rooted in the Four Absolutes, engaged both of us in the process of clear, mature and purposeful communication (and recovery). Richard’s approach is a way of showing what was right so that I may be better able to recognize what is wrong when it happens.
What happened?
A brief summary of what happened is: I was angry and when asked how I was doing I admitted to being angry. Richard acknowledged he could tell I was angry. He then engaged in a line of direct questioning, which was free of manipulation, for the purpose of ascertaining where my thinking was at (apathy vs. desired resolution.) There was not an agenda. He did not start off with an attempt to fix my anger. Richard was very honest and clear about what he was trying to learn. The whole process took, maybe, 10 minutes.
What was learned?
What I learned during this was how effective and efficient this approach is. The value in learning more information, through an attitude of discovery, when one doesn’t have all the information and can’t be sure of something. By being straightforward and open about his objective, I was not put on the defensive and did not become aggressive or even suspicious as to his intent but it had been made quite clear. I experienced a situation where, despite whatever emotions are either present or have been so recently, two people can still work together to move forward.
Having observed and listened to this exchange between Richard and myself, Alex had a few thoughts she shared with us. First, was an acknowledgement of the value found in exploring one’s own mind. She saw Richard provide me with a roadmap (the example of his own behavior and approach to the situation) and I was able to, on my own, come to the conclusion by the end of the conversation that it is something that I want to learn to be able to do myself.
Second, it was an example of the principle of helping someone become aware of something they previously weren’t aware of. Not by telling them, but by teaching and showing them. There are always people to learn from. Some possess extremely high degrees of wisdom and insight. However, no matter how much they may desire to teach, nothing can be taught until the student is ready to learn.
Lastly, she was reminded that often she is unaware of what her resistance is yet fails to stop and assess it because she is caught up in the emotion of whatever is happening. I thought about this a bit and realize not only does that happen to me often but it almost always happens to me. I stopped doing my daily reflections for a little while. Yes, I was mad about a couple of things but this resistance started a day or two before those happened. There are even times when I have an idea of what may be causing resistance but can’t be bothered to pursue it any further. I believe, at least for myself, this is often because I don’t necessarily want to know. Either because I am afraid to get an answer I won’t like or because I have mixed feelings about however it may turn out and regardless, a part of me won’t want to hear it.
Richard pointed out to me what had happened, on my end of our dialogue, as he spoke. When he applied the Four Absolutes to himself and in how he addressed questions and responses to me, I automatically responded in kind. He was able to focus on me and I was, in turn, able to focus on myself, to give honest and more detailed answers. I came to understand what it was about him that allowed Richard to do this in the first place:
- Honesty
- Selflessness
- Purity of intention
- Living in reality
One statement that was made was that as we talked about this, I was already beginning to think about how this can be applied in other situations, such as work, social environments, or anything else with other people. This was particularly unnerving because I didn’t believe I had alluded to these thoughts, yet that is exactly what I was thinking when I was sharing what I had learned in this experience. Because he was selfless and aware of me, connected through the Four Absolutes, Richard was able to pick up on the smallest of details to better understand me.
Principles meet Implementation to Business and Life
This whole experience was much more than just about resolving anger. I was able to experience, first-hand, the power of living in the Four Absolutes and the positive effect it has on others. In addition to, these lessons not only apply to how I can approach someone who is angry but also teach me to improve in many areas of my life.
I will be able to improve my customer service support skills so that I can not only be more responsive to problems but turn problems into positive experiences which will encourage customers to become customers for life. Through this very personal experience I can demonstrate the power of this process to better train and illustrate proven methodology that will improve job satisfaction and customer satisfaction concurrently. I can develop a more practical training program of not just procedures but how to expand training regarding how to apply, why to do this, and explain how all people involved benefit. From a personal perspective, learning how to live in the four absolutes, my life will be much easier. From a professional perspective, it will open up more opportunities of what can be done professionally.
An incident that happened at the end of last week at work, in which a customer tried to return a truck to the incorrect location and instead was basically told to turn around and go back, is a perfect example of an opportunity where this type of training can benefit a business. What happened was a company response based on rules instead of principles. By not training and empowering employees to make the appropriate decision, creativity, customer relationships, employee job satisfaction, and personal empowerment were all destroyed. In all likelihood the company lost a regular customer, its credibility with that person and anyone she may talk to and exposed itself to probably negative word of mouth publicity.
Without the principles of the Four Absolutes, this remains an incident. With the principles we see an opportunity as to why they are so valuable and why other people should be trained and how both individuals and the company would benefit from it. If done, things like the incident I just described will not continue to happen.
Additional Topics of Discussion
The other situation that occurred at the end of last week that resulted in me being angry was the topic of firearms coming up in conversation. I said that I have the belief that they have either been sold or soon will be. It is an example of old thinking (primarily making assumptions of other people’s intentions) that I haven’t fully shaken off. However, I had asked not to discuss it further as there were other topics that are more pressing to deal with. I became angry when it became a topic of discussion via email.
Instead of diving into all of this, because I had asked not to go into it, Richard just made a few statements for me to think about. He said that the planting of uncertainty is how addiction works. Something may be going good so our mind slips in the question of “how long is it going to last?” It’s at that point we must be able to get firm with the addiction and call bullshit when it is warranted. I was told that the reason it is not good to talk about something is because the process of addiction is to stimulate a thought out of the past, which is unfounded, and then not talk about it because we don’t want to learn the truth. We just want to continue to believe what we already believe.
Still not diving into my thoughts on my firearms, Richard shared with me a few of his thoughts and beliefs on the subject overall. I learned that he believes in them for the use of self-defense, procuring necessary food but doesn’t believe they should be used for sport killing or hunting. Basically, Richard unlocked the door for discussion and I can open it up at a later time. What was important in all of this was that through him sharing his values but not pushing the subject any further he was able to respect my wishes not to discuss it at this time. A sense of equality amongst us so that I may be more comfortable when the time comes.
Possibilities for Consideration: Developing Equality
Take a moment and examine…
- As you reviewed the material above, what stood out to you?
- What is the potential impact, economically and/or socially?
- What action is needed to stop or support this idea?
- You may want to consider whether you:
- want to be aware of,
- should become supportive of,
- would want to be active in this topic?
Add Your Insight: Connecting With the Principles
I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Being willing is not enough; we must do.
LEONARDO DA VINCI