Opening Insights: Anger Uncovered
I had a very powerful discussion with my mentor, Richard, today.
In the last week I’ve been experiencing anger rising to the surface and I don’t know where it’s coming from. Initially, I thought it was a reaction of mine to a few statements by others. However, Richard helped me realize that I hadn’t asked for clarification at the time but instead had let others continue speaking. This was a decision to stay angry instead of seeking resolution.
Richard helped me realize that I hadn’t asked for clarification at the time but instead had let others continue speaking. This was a decision to stay angry instead of seeking resolution.
I learned, right then and there, a very useful tool that can be used in diagnosing the source of anger. As it was not a result of something that had happened in the moment, it must be something that has been buried. From a few weeks, to a few years… I don’t know. And I don’t like not knowing.
Informational Insights: Seek to Discover, Not Be Told
It was last week, when this reality of anger became a known concern. This week, we dove a bit deeper into it.
I WANTED to just be told what the source of the resentment was. Richard, being very good at what he does (coach and mentor), wasn’t going to play my game. He wasn’t going to do the work for me. Instead, he was going to help me learn. I’m fairly confident that in time I will appreciate this, but it can be quite frustrating in the present.
Richard shared with me a few experiences from his past. Ranging from the ages of a young boy, to adolescence, then early adulthood, and finally up through the present. I learned a number of things in listening to my mentor share these experiences from his life:
- When we have made decisions/hold beliefs that either were never true or are no longer true:
- We may not have had all the information at the time.
- We may not have had a healthy and mature thinking process developed at the time.
- We may not have revisited these beliefs recently to verify whether or not they still hold true or if something has changed.
- Regardless of the reason(s) the decisions we’ve made, and the beliefs we’ve held, still have a profound impact on our lives today.
- The effects manifest themselves in our lives daily and occur without our recognition of them
- For Richard, it took decades to learn this on his own. I am fortunate enough to have someone to teach me what he learned by himself. I don’t have to spend years on end making mistakes before I learn from them. Granted, I’ll always find ways to make mistakes but I hope the severity of them, as well as their frequency decrease over time.
- There is no denying:
- I am angry about something.
- Latent anger and resentment, is finding excuses to manifest itself towards others today.
- I have no idea what it is about.
As is likely the case for many people, I do not like being confronted with something I don’t know. Not having an answer is unsettling because then I must look to others for help and the ego doesn’t enjoy that. When it comes to personal matters, the issue becomes all the more sensitive and private.
Letting Go and Learning to Trust
Today, I got to not only hear of someone who has been through the same challenges I now face but I had the privilege to be able to share my concerns, the fear of the unknown, with someone who understands. Even having known Richard for years now, I am still quite hesitant to share these types of problems.
When it comes to trust, all I can say is that trusting is not an accurate way to describe me. I fear judgement, ridicule, and vulnerability. A friend of mine and Richard were talking today and I heard something that was very profound: Trust is not something you learn. It is something you do.
Trust is not something you learn. It is something you do.
I believe that to be a very accurate statement. Thinking on it, I find myself adding the sentiment:“but you can learn who to trust?”
Basically, what this boils down to is learning to be aware of others. Understanding them and being observant of them. Only you can decide who you will trust and with what, but there are things you can learn to make such discernment’s.
Only you can decide who you will trust and with what, but there are things you can learn to make such discernment’s.
Building Value and Identity
Today, I chose to trust Richard with my fears.
This decision was not a result of following orders or some kind of brainwashing. It was from years of experience in working with the man and getting to know him; and vice versa. And what I received was understanding and compassion instead of judgment.
As a result, we’ve opened a door into looking into the past with a willingness to learn, grow, and improve. It’s not to get stuck there on mistakes we’ve made or that others have made but to assess and learn, this time with a more mature thinking process, to resolve long-buried problems and keep them from constantly lashing out and derailing opportunities that present themselves in the present.
Possibilities for Consideration: My Experience
To summarize, I’d like to highlight a few important points from my experience.
- The greatest source of information, wisdom, and insight that can be unlocked is first found through an awareness and acceptance of whatever it is that you don’t know.
- Second, so much value has been lost and will be lost if you continue on your own.
- Additional perspectives, experiences of others, groups of people you can trust are exponentially more valuable than a solid comfortableness of flying solo.
Take a moment and examine…
- As you reviewed the material above, what stood out to you?
- What is the potential impact, economically and/or socially?
- What action is needed to stop or support this idea?
- You may want to consider whether you:
- want to be aware of,
- should become supportive of,
- would want to be active in this topic?
Add Your Insight: Your Experience
I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Being willing is not enough; we must do.
LEONARDO DA VINCI